Season One Intro (ATTN: All Contestants!)

Chris raised an eyebrow at her, taking in all the fake designer gear. Apparently this one thought she was someone important. "Er... yeah. Like I just said, I don't have anyone's name memorized. Quite frankly, I haven't even opened your files yet. So unless you want me to come up with new names for you, you might wanna make this easy and just do as I asked."

He tapped his foot impatiently against the wood of the dock. Now that he thought about it, coming up with new names for them would be pretty hysterical. He might have to come up with an obnoxious nickname for her anyway.

Chris gave accepted the high-five with a grin. Dude, this kid looked like he was freaking out. The contestants generally didn't get that "kidnap victim" look in their eyes until the second or third challenge. Awesome.

"Good to have you, Leo," he said, writing on his clipboard, "Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. We've only had one intern die of radiation poisoning in the past two months, and I'm pretty sure she was drinking the lake-water."

He paused, glancing up at the campers, "Oh yeah, by the way, don't drink the lake water. Get it from the tap only."

For a long moment, Chris wondered whether Ben was introducing him to the freak that had jumped off the boat, or the chipmunk. Man, the old cast members had to be through a season or two before they started really having breakdowns; this batch apparently came pre-broken.

Shaking himself off, he checked both Ben and Selene off his list, then looked back at the boat.

"Alright, next up?"

Prissy was quite disturbed by the next contestant, who jumped into the lake, then gave the host a soggy dead chipmunk. Making a face at the new girl, Prissy spoke. "That is so gross." Prissy cringed as the girl came to stand on the other side of the boy beside her. She was so glad that he was between the two of them. Then he began speaking to her, asking her if she was some movie he didn't appear to know the name of. Prissy smiled and flipped her hair. "Oh, I don't remember. I've been in so many, the plots all start to merge after awhile, but it definitely sounds familiar!" She lied. No, she hadn't been in any movie of the sort. She'd watched every movie she was in. Besides, the plot sounded like something from a recent movie and she hadn't done anything in years because her stupid parents wouldn't let her. "So yeah, it was probably me!"

Chris silently watched the one-man game of musical chairs, then scribbled on his clipboard. "Alright, Sophie and Jake, check and check."

Six down, four to go. Man, what a bunch of freaks. This season was going to be ratings gold. "Next?"

"Of course I've seen this show before!" Prissy responded indignantly. "I used to watch it all the time in my trailer between shooting scenes." Well, at least she was being honest about having seen the show before. She had seen it. And she'd watched all the episodes when she'd auditioned. And she'd done research on the internet to figure out who the fan favourites were. She wanted to be one of them - that'd guarantee her fame. "I totally get quirky, but you've gotta admit, even Izzy seems saner than some of our castmates."

Chris checked his list. No "Cal". Still, that sounded more like a nickname than a full name.

"Kids, when I ask for your names, I need the one your parents gave you, okay? Because that's what's on my list."

Chris was starting to get annoyed. "My list only has first names. Now are you Amy, Devi, or Pansy?"